A BAG OF NAILS

Once upon a time there was a little boy with a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he should hammer a nail in the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. But gradually, the number of daily nails dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the first day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He proudly told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out, it won't matter how many times you say 'I'm sorry', the wound is still there."

As summer approaches, I look forward to this period of time as a hiatus from the rat race that is my life during school. Usually I set overly ambitious goals that oftentimes disappear into thin air as these three months fly by, but this summer will be different. I am set on quelling a "personality trait" of mine before I let it get the best of me. Some may say that I have a bit of a temper and issues with anger management. Nothing to the extent of anything Naomi Campbell-ish where I throw telephones at friends' heads, but it's more of a personal demon that I wish to bury. On a more positive note, I am actually pretty tame compared to the rest of my family; on trips back to India, I witness the true fury of my family (specifially my dad's side) as their quibbling turns into agitation which ultimately turns into a full-blown altercation. It actully gets to the point where they write off blood relationships and deny each others' existences.

Citing several examples from my life, I decided that I don't want to end up as that person, for a number of reasons. After smoking some shisha last night, I came across this amazing moment of enlightenment (alright, so it isn't as zen as I'm making it sound). My temper can be attributed to how I react to situations I can change, and those I have no control over. I like having the ability to change and affect circumstances. However, I react negatively when I can't change a situation and I allow frustration and negativity to to affect my state of mind, only exacerbating the problem. So the new game plan is to pick my battles with extreme care and most importantly breathe. I find that when I'm placed in situations where my temper takes control, I react impulsively and don't allow myself to stop and analyze. So I'm going to work on stopping initial reactions, letting myself breathe and perhaps most importantly, analyzing the long-term outcome of my actions. Will this really matter a day from now? A year from now? In about 99% of circumstances, it won't. So why bother? I've often mistakenly viewed passiveness and patience as weakness and not seizing control of a problem. However, the more I allow myself to perspicaciously see through a situation, the more I realize that anger clouds my thinking and doesn't allow for clarity.

Ipod: The Postal Service - Hackensack