Inside Jokes and other ramblings

So it's 1:26 pm and I think I'm still drunk from last night. Rather intense evening, but I have to give a huge shout out to Frances(Seattle), Farid(Bay Area) and Eric (Arizona) for coming down to Ann Arbor from CO3 meetings in Romulus. Hope you all had a good time and that you're not too hungover for meetings today. To all those who stayed back in Romulus? I hope you had a good time in the townie Wheat and Rye bar. I'm sure it was a hoot. Right. PS: Mohawk vodka? Never again.

So I came upon a scary realization the other day. My entire life consists of one big inside joke. Alright, perhaps that is a bit of an exaggeration, but it came to me that people who are outside of "my immediate circle" of friends have no clue what I'm talking about half the time. Example: I was sitting at dinner the other day and carrying a conversation with Greg and six non-AIESECers. We were rambling about LCs and critical outcomes and integrated sales and the other six guys just looked at us. We were completely oblivious to the fact that they had absolutely no clue what we were talking about. I keep noticing that when I'm in a group of people, I sometimes zone out and carry on conversations that nobody understands except me and the person on the other side of the conversation. Additionally, this habit of mine carries on outside of AIESEC conversations as well. If I'm with people who I only know decently well, I'll find myself saying things out loud that nobody understands. This all sounds convoluted, but I find myself struggling to carry normal dialogues without any outside references. Maybe it's because I hang around the same few people constantly (which is great), and I see these people so often that I might have to extend the content of my conversations when I talk to other people. I swear this makes sense to me even if it's not properly articulated. I think Pandora's Box (and you know who you are) understands the situation all too well.

Still awaiting big packages in the mail.....big Michigan interview on Monday. Find out from Columbia and NYU in two weeks. It would be great to know that I can continue my pursuit of academic degradation with plans for next year in my back pocket. Otherwise I'm just being lazy without knowing why. Well, some of these questions will be answered relatively soon. I'm crossing my fingers.

Current Music: Frou Frou ~ Hear Me Out. Listen to her entire album. It is incredible.

I'm a slow motion accident
Lost in coffee rings - and fingerprints
I don't - wanna feel - anything
But i do
And it all comes back to you.

So last year, I opened up a blog on livejournal and was quite possibly the worst blogger ever; I posted erratically, often going months without posting. I realized that I posted only when I was under certain extremities of emotions, whether it be happiness or sadness and sometimes it simply felt as if posting was an outlet to channel my feelings elsewhere. I eventually became sick of just posting what was going on my life and it felt like I was re-writing my day or something.

So why start up again? First of all, I made a new year's resolution to post. Strange, but true. Additionally, I really got addicted to this nomadlife site (damn you Dody for such a great site) and came under the realization that I had a lot more to say in addition to the ongoings of my mundane student life.

So just to start, let's take a refresher course in my life: Arnaub = double major in cellular/molecular biology and philosophy, 4 months away from graduation, vacillating between taking on a career for a few years vs. going straight to law school, and more importantly, deciding the next steps in my life. I could be trite and say that I've reached this "crossroads" stage in my life and throw around Steven Covey-esque terms like "quarter-life crisis," but there are many aspects that resonate around those words: figuring out direction, carving an identity, and resolving self doubts. Three things to point out here with regards to my life as we speak. 1) For the first time in my life, I don't care about school. This is not a late-onset stage of senioritis, but rather a blithe ignorance of my academic life right now. Maybe it's because I turned in all my law school stuff or maybe it's because I really don't see myself applying my molecular bio major in anything relating to my future endeavors. Maybe it's other circumstances beyond my control that have shook my world recently. My solution to this problem: don't attend classes if you don't feel like it. I realize this could potentially lead to an academic demise, but at the moment, I am reveling in my newfound insouciant mindset. 2) Constantly searching for a reason to be inspired. I don't know what it is, but the academic train of motivation I started off with in college has been horribly derailing as of late. Maybe it's because I'm searching for something more fulfilling. I still feel that there is established substance in my life and I can't stand the waiting game. I would love to fast-forward to two months from now and see where life places me. I loathe precariousness and instability. 3) With all that said, I came upon another conclusion: I think I am always looking at the next step in my life. While that is good, I think I miss the present. For example, when in high school, I couldn't wait to get to college. I've been waiting to get out of college for some time and start my life. When I get there, what then? Am I always searching for something more without appreciating what I have at this very moment? Very possible. I am rather mortified that I'm going to get into a less transient life stage (meaning lasting more than four years, i.e. not high school or college) and become very disenchanted very quickly. So maybe I am one of those people who needs to be motivated all the time in order to be happy, which is why I always bite more than I can chew. I think I have to find ways to think outside the box and generate intrinsic motivation when life throws boring curveballs at me. Maybe I need to situate myself in a career/life stage that is constantly changing. Strangely enough, that only happens with my professional development and never with people. That's because people continue to redevelop and redesign themselves and rarely ever remain constant creatures.

So that's a quick synopsis as I delve deeper into my personal psychoanalysis. Like I said, I will be a good blogger and actually post frequently. Hell, it was a new year's resolution.