I don't know how much more mental torture I can handle. This is probably the roughest finals schedule I've had since 1st semester sophomore year (December 13th: the day of the orgo, stats, and bio final). Yesterday, physics destroyed much of my academic self-esteem and thus began the derailing train of motivation. Cellular biology on Monday seems almost insurmountable right now. I keep telling myself there is a light at the end of this awful tunnel, but it keeps getting dimmer (yeah, it's a bit dramatic). I'm actually worried about classes for the first time.
Tuesday at 3:30 pm officially announces my academic emancipation. Until then, I will be crouched under some desk in the library.
DJ Ipod: Wax Poetic ~ Tell Me (Norah Jones Tos mix)
The blog is in desparate need of being updated. I don't know what it's been, but I have been somewhat motivated to finish off the year and actually attempt to do well on exams rather than just sliding by. For some reason, I'd like to remember the last couple of days of college with the thought that I gave 110% on these last exams and didn't just eek my way there towards the end. Hell, I've worked like crazy for 3.5 years, what's another few days? Classes out of the way: physics lab and plant physiology. What's left: Friday - physics, Monday - cellular biology, Tuesday - philosophy. It's going to be rough.
One week from now, I'll be done. The last couple of days have been a constant reminder of that. Last Wednesday was our farewell senior GMM. Sheila describes the feeling pretty well. Tears were shed, memories were reincarnated, and some were left buried in the GMM room forever. 3.5 hours later, Amber and I drowned our sorrows in a margarita.
The past weekend was LTM. I really had no reason to attend, seeing that I didn't participate in the sessions, but the company was well worth it. Hot tubs, wheat n rye, wild turkey, jim kelley, what a package. Also got the chance to chat with Cornell, and who knows if there is a possibility of continuing my AIESEC career in the future. It's tempting and I feel like I could help propel their LC. We'll see. It's been a four year party and I don't want it to be last call just yet.
That brings me to now. No classes today (or ever again actually) so it's technically a "study" day. From now until Tuesday, I'm going to be re-ignite Arnaub's academic spirit of the past and attempt to destroy what will be an insurmountably difficult cell bio exam. They are sure not making it easy for me to get out of here.
I had a rather disconcerting conversation with some of my residents regarding the extremities of being politically correct and faith-based beliefs. It all stemmed when one of the guys in my hall screamed, "that's so gay!!." I don't know if it was the number of drinks in my body or the fact that I hate when people use that word in that connotation, but I felt that some sort of social consciousness education was on the night's agenda. Gathering a group of 12, I began poking at their lackadaisical use of the word along with other words like 'retarded.' I tried to convey to them how much these words have become so colloquially thrown around in our society, it almost seems permissible to intertwine words like 'gay' or 'retarded' with 'stupid' or some other negative, derogatory term.
What really bothered me was how some of these kids (mainly freshman) justified their usage. Common responses:
"Um, well, I only use the word in my hall with my close friends, and I'm smart enough not to say it aloud in public."
"I think the word 'gay' is like a societal fad perpetuated by the media....so it will pass in time. " This fool actually justifies it by arguing that the possible inevitability of this word disappearing like some fad makes it alright to take no cause for action now. I don't believe it.
"Being gay is a genetically inherited condition. There's no cure."
"My Christian faith has instilled certain values in me. Additionally, it's a free country and I can say whatever I want without being scrutinized by every politically correct activist in my way." Don't even have a response for him. I just glared. I think he was petrified of me.
Here's the kicker. I asked one of the ignorant that what if there was a possibility that their best friend decided to come out of the closet or something. He replies, "I just don't see that ever happening to me. It's just not possible."
After my jaw dropped, I picked it up and really tried to examine their backgrounds and the foundations of their benighted comments. One of the them was from rural Michigan, one from Missouri (who was far less parochial and more willing to change than the rest), one a staunch conservative, one ardent Christian, and one was even sadly enough from my hometown back in Minnesota. Many came from sheltered existences and coming to this university was their first real exposure to a new and unfamiliar setting. Many even mentioned that they sometimes felt uncomfortable with how openly the LGBT community is discussed at Michigan.
The conversation went from usage of those trigger words into their actual beliefs on gay rights. After 6:30 am, I almost felt as if my attempts to expand their mindsets were pointless as they began quoting the Bible, adamantly defending their parents' views and how they were raised, and ultimately saying that they probably will not accept this lifestyle. I went to bed feeling very disenchanted and disillusioned. However, there was a glimmer of hope in my eye. I remember a few guys from my freshman year who held this antiquated disposition and four years later had completely revamped their beliefs. I think a four-year sweep in uber-liberal university setting did they some good and opened their eyes a bit. In the meantime, for these young freshman, I'll use my remaining three weeks to inculcate my two-cents.
It's ironic that I've been meaning to write about "the graduation" post for quite some time, and all of a sudden, nearly every future graduate on nomadlife seems to be resonating the same thoughts.
It's hard to come up with creative feelings that haven't already been iterated. Buying my cap and gown and reading Trent's and Mix's recent blog instigated this long-postponed post. The walks I have been taking lately have gotten longer (aided only by the beautiful weather) and I've walked through the seldom-traversed parts of campus. The days seem to fly by now.
I was recently referred to as a 'gatekeeper,' or one who is always aware that the times are changing and we must adapt to new circumstances, make new friends and learn to roll with the new punches. I suppose that this job I hold as gatekeeper struck a nerve with me. Am I that person who always is planning the next two or three steps in my life without enjoying the present? I think 'impact' is a buzz word thrown around that has lacked any true definition because it is a different meaning for different people. For me, impact has been meeting these people who have taught me to live in the present and really soak in life's great experiences. For the longest time, I was incapable of fully enjoying transient moments in life. Not because I didn't want to, but because my mind was always looking at tomorrow, sort of a subconscious twitch. The impact I've gotten in the past four years seems unparalleled and opened up an entire perspective to looking at life. For once, I am finally thinking perspicaciously about what's really important. The last four years taught me to take leaps, push the buttons of conformity and seize moments for what they are worth. For this, I thank you. You can't teach something like that, it has to be experienced.
With that said, it makes the goodbyes twice as difficult. I was never very good at making friends, but it seems that with any AIESECer, it was as if an innate connection already existed and the awkardness of attempting to get to know one another could be forgone because you already shared similar passions and a coinciding mindset to save the world. I feel spoiled to have this comfort zone of friends and it's time to take that next step, without them (I feel like 'Here's to the Night' by Eve 6 should be playing right about now....). Trent put it best: "while an era is ending, there is a new one to take its place." May the winds always be at our backs and the sun on our faces.
Casino night fulfilled expectations for the weekend. Best memories of the weekend:
1. My bday present: the bench from the booth at Arby's (still at Stacey's house) 2. Michigan-Indiana flip cup won by Michigan over and over again 3. Trent, a can and penetration 4. The grill and charcoal 5. Eating tuna out of the can in the rain at 6 am 6. Trent destroying the table, like a scene from a movie 7. Bubble gum and boxers. I will not say more. 8. $4.99 wine handle 9. The mix: miller, 5 o'clock, fruit punch 10. Breakfast at Angelo's: the hot hostess (Michelle was it?) who had a "concert" to go to instead of casino night.....sorry Mike 11. 24 Mickey's 12. Gigity gigity awwwwwwwwrrrrrrrright......."Dear, Diary: Jackpot" 13. "This isn't where I parked my car" 14. Drinks at Cafe Felix 15. The intense game of crush: Colt, St. Ides, Mickey's 16. Casino night itself 17. FIONA!!!!! 18. South Quad..... 19. Mike: Shotglasses
Thanks to Indiana, Miami of Ohio and Madison for bringing their A-game for the weekend. One hell of a weekend. Priceless memories.
DJ Ipod: "Eurotrip" Soundtrack ~ Scotty Doesn't Know
What a week.....and one hell of a weekend coming up
This week was rather insane. There was actual work to be done this week. Aside from the plant physiology exam and cell bio presentation, there were a myriad of other events. My 'things to do before graduation' list is notebooks long. But this was nonetheless an amazing week. Good news all around: my lil sister will be attending Yale this coming fall. I've never been more proud. My parents are ecstatic, but I wish that we could all actually be together to celebrate instead of being in three different states. But the entire Chatterjee family will now be moving to the East Coast which is rather exciting. I am now having the sad realization that the month of May will be my last time in the Twin Cities for a very long time. The reasons I have to go back there now is not for family or a sense of home, but for my friends, who are being interspersed across the country anyways. So is the last of Minnesota? I hope not.
Armin Van Buuren was last night. For you trance music neophytes, this man is quite possibly the world's best DJ.
He plays this amazing music that elevates your body. I know that sounds like hooey, but it's quite the transcendental experience and ask any trance-lover about this experience. Words cannot describe it. 700 people packed into a tiny venue, all feeling the music.
With that said, I think I'm still drunk from last night. The festivities have begun. Surviving this weekend will be an arduous task. AIESEC guests around the nation will be pouring in for what should be an incredible weekend. I will update intermittently throughtout the weekend. DJ Ipod: Armin Van Buuren ~ Just Another Day
